HAIL THE BOOTY INDUSTRY

You gotta give it to Vera Sidika. She has pioneered an industry, which is making millions without causing emissions. Well, harmful emissions. A sneak peek at the newspapers and blogs, and you will know exactly what I mean.

            Vera hogged the limelight as soon as P UNIT released the video, “U GUY”. Her derriere did make men go, “Whoa! U guy! Look at that.!”, accompanied by drools that would make the mouth of a bulldog dry up in envy.

            If Vera is to be believed, that video broke the glass ceiling for her. She now features in videos for not less than 400,000 shillings, lives in the same address as an MP and CEO, drives an X5, and wears weaves that cost as much as a Toyota Duet.

            Vera’s success story has earned her many admirers, haters, and more importantly, protégés. Now the internet is awash with pictures of Kenyans female behinds, all hoping to make it big. Some are bigger than Vera’s. Some rounder. Some have more cellulite.

            Suddenly the plus size has become the new slim. The fat girl is now phat. That booty, which was hitherto ogled at only by Silverscreen Obama and Sylvester Wanakhamuna from Western Kenya has become the SI unit for the “IT” woman, and with it millions.

            I do not know how many ways a human behind can make money. You have to ask the socialite, and believe what she tells you. It is an honest living, of pure genius, and worthy of an environmental award because the industry is fully Green.

            Ladies whose profiles say they are law students, medicine students, journalists and so on now want to do both booty and such conservative careers at the same time. I don’t know how that will work for them; have they thought about what all that nakedness will do to their brand? Yes they have. They call themselves ‘models’. It is you who perceives them as socialites. Never mind that brand is about perception.

            Kenya’s booty industry has great potential for growth. And its success has precedence. Look no further than Kim Kardashian. She is a multimillionaire, mixes with the high and mighty, is invited to major events where the likes of Jay Z, a business magnate and outstanding rapper, Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, and Johnny Depp, a 5 stars Hollywood actor, attends. And what does she have to show for all that status? A sex - tape.

            So stop hating and start appreciating. If u got booty, flaunt it. Make money with it. Heck, hawk it. I am looking forward to the first annual Booty Exhibition/Open Day. And while we are at it, have KRA considered booty tax yet?

            Watch this space. After the booty industry is crowded, prepare for a more lucrative “accidental sex tapes” industry. You can’t make this stuff up.